Evening Yellow | 02.14 - U Again?

Happy Valentine's Day. I debated pulling a red card today, just to keep with holiday aesthetics and whatnot, but that would have been excessive, and I would have just ended up showing myself yellow. That's what we call a card-22.

- In March, Bono and the boys of U2 release their new album, "No Line on the Horizon." They'll promote it with an appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman. Actually, five appearances, to be exact, every night from March 2-6. Welcome to Late Night, Jimmy Fallon. U2 cautioned per Sec. B-4.

U2 very much hopes you watch Letterman, though they do seem to prefer champagne to instant coffee. Bummer, Starbucks.

- Starbucks is set to unveil the greatest innovation in coffee since "tall," "grande," and "vente": "soluble" coffee. Personally, I favor getting delicious dark-roasted beans ground up and siphoned into my system as fast as humanly possible, but Starbucks' assault on the English language is disturbing. We all know "soluble" is just a nicer word for "instant," like "tall" is trying to not be "small," though "vente" is actually a very concise summary of "you're paying $5 for coffee, you moron." Starbucks cautioned per Sec. B-7 for too much time spent on marketing and not nearly enough making "coffee."