Welcome to a special soccer-themed installment of Afternoon Yellow. Yes, I understand it's a bit like wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see. - Chelsea sacked coach Luis Felipe Scolari this week. Tearing up the former Brazil and Portugal coach's contract is estimated to have eaten a $20M hole in the wallet of Roman Abramovich, the London club's endlessly rich and perpetually unsatisfied owner. Scolari's lineup had been good for fourth place halfway through the current Premiership season. Unfortunately, the club is now looking for its fourth manager in just over 15 months. Chelsea cautioned per Sec. B-1, 4 & 6 for making Real Madrid's coaching carousel look quaint.
- David Beckham came to America, blew out his knee, guided the L.A. Galaxy to the bottom of Major League Soccer, then decided it'd be a good idea to keep loose over in Milan. You know, just for the offseason, then back in March to the ol' U-S-of-A. He wouldn't stay in Italy. Could he? He couldn't. Or, maybe he could. He would, of course, if he could, but he probably couldn't, legally. Or could he? Well, it's decided: yes, he can! Yeesh. Enough already! Beckham's "dreams" and "goals" are as twisted as one of his free kicks -- a curious trajectory, still pretty good-looking, but increasingly irrelevant. David Beckham cautioned per Sec. B-4 for wasting two years of tabloid space that could have been spent on aliens or Victoria Beckham. Or both. Both would be awesome.
David Beckham, left, is likely leaving Los Angeles, but swears it had nothing to do with the Herbalife logo on his jersey. USA vs. Mexico, right, is a football game, not a foreign policy crisis.
- Americans might not be passionate about soccer but boy, oh, boy do we get all hot and bothered about Mexico. And sports. We love and loathe us Mexico and some sports, in any combination. Yet most Americans don't realize that Team USA holds a decade long winning streak over El Tri, and that taunting Mexicans about this fact is largely acceptable, to some degree expected, and not least of all patriotic! After all, it's only soccer.
Our apathy in this sporting conquest might be confusing, but Mexico's complex over the whole thing more than makes up the difference. Blockbuster stores in Mexico are handing out 'voodoo cards' with pictures of American players. All have the name "Gringos" on their jerseys. Instructions read: "Hold a needle firmly between your thumb and index finger and prick slowly the part of the doll where you want to affect the opponent." That's pretty funny. Cause now Mexico's gonna lose to a bunch of pin-crotched gringos! Ha! Mexico cautioned per Sec. B-1 & 6 for a rather creepy obsession. Blockbuster might want to watch it's back, too.
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