Morning Yellow | 01.13

The yellow card never sets on the YC|RC empire.

- The BBC is reporting on Marcus Schrenker, an American businessman, who apparently faked a distress signal from his plane before it crashed into a Florida swamp. Rescue pilots called his bluff after responding to the call and "found Mr. Schrenker's plane flying on autopilot, with its door open and no sign of the pilot." Would it surprise you to learn that Schrenker was under investigation for some financial improprieties? Now, that's a golden parachute. Schrenker cautioned per Sec. B-4. That is, whenever he turns up.

- Reports from Madrid this weekend told a tale of winter mayhem. Highways were parking lots, the airport was a parking lot, and parking lots were... icy? Apparently, in January at least, the rain in Spain freezes and dumps on the capital, and the madridlenos freak their shit out. I was fortunate to witness this spectacle firsthand some five years back. I assure you, it's quite a sight. These people can bake for months in the kiln of a Spanish summer and never bat an eye, but you'd rather run with the bulls in Pamplona than try to drive down the Paseo de la Castellana with a dusting of show.

A Madrid resident risks her life yesterday on the city's streets.

Now, forecasters are broadcasting this morning an aviso naranja for Madrid, or 'orange alert,' which is classified as 'an important risk.' The risk? Three centimeters of snow. Madrid cautioned per Sec. B-1 for giving Barcelona another reason to laugh this winter.

- Back here in the good ol' U-S-of-A, a United States Marshal Service lawyer, Joseph Band, may have used a company car for transportation to his second job. That car, however, was a federal limo complete with on-duty deputy escorts, his job was as a statistician for FOX Sports, and he may have arranged vehicle escorts for his coworkers: broadcasters Tim McCarver, Joe Buck and Troy Aikman. According to an NY Times article, Band's "job at the Marshals Service’s Office of General Counsel included advising employees on 'matters of ethics and integrity.'" Band cautioned per Sec. B-7 for filling up with sports stats the part of his brain reserved for remembering his job description.