Oscars Make Hugh Mistake

BBC News is reporting actor Hugh Jackman will host the 2009 Academy Awards.

This also just in: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will be hosting this yellow card.

Turn Down the Advertising

Advertising is a part of life. We accept this to some degree, but most of us also agree that a line must be drawn. We have a Do Not Call Registry. We indict people for sending us spam. Even Google, for which ad revenue is a lifeblood, offers a pop up ad-blocker in its Google Toolbar. Advertising is fine so long as it respects our personal space.

Hmmm... I was trying to watch some cool MonsterQuest videos.
Does a World MasterCard seem to you even remotely as cool as Bigfoot?

Ensuring personal space is codified in Section B, Article 5 of the Laws for a Better World, and if we consider pop-up ads to be uncouth for such reason, then so, I would argue, should we consider video and audio advertisements which play unprompted. Thus, I give you: The Don't-Buy List.

Please make note of this list from time to time, and consider it a public service to refuse patronage of those listed there. These individuals and institutions have assaulted our eyes and ears with their rouge mind-washing; refuse their goods and we might perhaps sway them from utilizing such un-asked-for methods of marketing; or the list will grow so long and our dedication so firm that we won't allow ourselves to buy anything from anywhere ever again.

Success and defeat have been defined. Let us strive for success.

The Don't-Buy List

Note: The links below have all been cautioned per Section B, Article 5 for failure to respect personal space in condoning advertisements which play unprompted. Submissions of sites for addition to this list may be sent to dontgetcarded att gmail dott com. Click at your discretion.

- ESPN SoccernetStore.com | Despite the fact that I visit Soccernet.com daily, I've never been able to stomach the constant ads for its store.

- GetSnuggie.com | True: If I visit Snuggie.com, then I might be interested a Snuggie. False: I want everyone in the office to know that I want a Snuggie.

- MasterCard and Prilosec OTC | I was trying to watch some cool MonsterQuest videos at History.com, because something strange is lurking in the woods of the Pacific Northwest. But I'm pretty sure it's neither a 8.99% interest rate, nor frequent heartburn.

NBC to Keep Leno; No Word on Removing Knife from O'Brian's Back

The New York Times reports that NBC is prepared to offer Jay Leno its nightly 10 p.m. time slot. As reported, "no broadcast network has ever before offered the same show in prime time five nights a week." More commentary soon* on why this is a yellow card.


*12.11.2008: Did I say "soon"? My bad, I forgot the "-er or later" suffix.

It's been a busy, busy week for me, which led to a bit of negligence on my part (thankfully negligence falling just short of "gross" and sparing myself another self-inflicted yellow). But I do want to say: I'm retracting my card on this one. My ground for showing it to NBC was for disrespect to Conan O'Brian, but the tale, pale funnyman had nothing but praise for the move and even admitted knowing something about it. I won't accuse him of lying.

What's still confusing, though, is NBC's dedication to the idea of a variety show in primetime. America's Got Talent never mustered a comparable audience to Dancing With the Stars or American Idol in the talent competition wars, and Rosie tanked big time with her recent variety show special. Admittedly, Leno brings his own built-in audience (in theory), but CBS is already chalking up their victory in a Leno vs. CSI showdown.

Which reminds me--one of these days I've got to get around to yellow-carding CSI for ripping off every Law & Order plot ever. Mental note made.

UPDATE: Supreme Court Rejects Obama Challenger

As carded a few days ago, Leo Donofrio's lawsuit challenging the natural born status of President Elect Barack Obama was dismissed today by the Supreme Court. A similar suit filed by Philip Berg remains before the Court on appeal.

It's a Girl! It's a Ticket! It's a Red Card!

Massachusetts State Trooper Michael Galluccio delivered a citation yesterday to a Boston couple driving in the breakdown lane of Route 2. The couple, John and Jennifer Davis, were avoiding bumper-to-bumper traffic attempting to make a delivery of their own: Jennifer was in labor.

I double-checked the rules, Mr. Galluccio, and it's official: you just got yourself Section C'd!

According to Sec. C1-5, obstructing the 'imminent resolution' of childbirth qualifies you for, yes, only the second red card ever handed out here at YC|RC. I'm sure you're so proud.

Oh, and the Davis are doing well, in case you were wondering. Charlotte Jane was born about 5 hours after the citation was issued. No word on whether John will appeal the ticket.

Morning Yellow | 12.04 - Where Are They Now?

Sorry I'm late. My alarm went off, but I kept hitting yellow.

Thought we'd try something a little different this morning and catch up on a few news items that pertain to penalties of the weeks past:

- A few weeks ago, yellow was shown to Minnesota voters for their virtuoso effort in voter incompetence. This was highlighted by the image of a single ballot cast for both Al Franken and 'Lizard People'. The NY Times today referenced the 'Lizard People' write-in vote while chiding Minnesota officials for having lost more ballots during the recount than votes that now separate Al Franken and Norm Coleman from a seat in the U.S. Senate, in their opinion effectively invalidating the entire recount.

- Chinese Democracy, the 17-year follow-up from GN'R frontman Axl Rose, has seen a lot of thing en route to the shelves of Best Buys everywhere. MTV.com elaborates:

17 years in the studio, one truly odd MTV VMA appearance, a failed world tour, a riot in Philadelphia, a lot of defensive talk from Sebastian Bach, a leak facilitated by Mike Piazza and DJ Eddie Trunk, a much-ballyhooed exclusive deal with Best Buy, a lawsuit involving the Offspring, the apparently empty promise of free Dr Pepper for all, innumerable and mysterious delays, $13 million in reported production costs, a Greatest Hits album, a change in managers, five possible producers, five guitarists, two bassists, three drummers, the invention of the iPod, a guy with a KFC bucket on his head, zero promotion from the album's mastermind, and now, rumors of a potential reunion of the original lineup.

One thing the album may never see? #1 on the charts. As MTV also reports, after losing out in sales to Kanye West, Chinese Democracy appears to have also been outsold by another more unlikely contender: 16-year-old country-pop darling Taylor Hicks. Ouch.

Morning Yellow | 12.03 - Do Blankets Bother You?

Wake up and smell the yellow:

- I'm not a hockey fan, nor are most of my friends. If you are a hockey fan, you might know who Sean Avery is, but you don't need to know hockey to know that talking about "sloppy seconds" to a TV camera is a bad idea. Nobody told Sean Avery. Cautioned per Sec. BI-6 & 7 for not thinking before opening his mouth.

- Also in sports, Portuguese wunderkind and Man United striker Cristiano Ronaldo has been awarded the relatively prestigious Ballon d'Or trophy (you know it's prestigious because it's name is French, but it involves sports, so, it's relative). This means that FIFA thinks that last season Ronaldo was the best soccer player in the world. I'm awarding FIFA the Ballon d'Yellow.

This is Iker Casillas. His pretty face is all sad because he didn't win.
It's okay, Iker. You won a way cooler trophy than that punk, Ronaldo.

Since you didn't ask, I'd have tipped Spain and Real Madrid goalkeeper Iker Casillas for the trophy. He allowed the fewest goals (16) in Spain's La Liga, made a questionable back line look downright ironclad, started every single game all season, led his club to a league title and his country to a European Championship, and stopped two penalty kicks against defending world champions Italy in doing so. FIFA cautioned per Sec. BI-6 for disrespecting San Iker.

- Last, but not least, Mint would like to call questionable on the folks at Snuggie:

(Note: As a public service, I removed the embedded video, which started
playing when the page loaded. Now the pic is a link to the website.)

The user comments on this one are hilarious. "Are you the kind of person who asks for ice cubes with your milk?" Or, my favorite, "Oh, yeah, I remember this from a couple years back... it's called a ROBE." Snuggie cautioned per Art. BI-1 for sullying the good name of blankets. Also, Snuggie has been added to The Don't-Buy List.

Now Accepting Submissions!

Good news, folks!

Not only is YC|RC the proud owner of www.dontgetcarded.com, but now you can recommend a card by writing to dontgetcarded att gmail dott com. Here's how to do it:

Step 1: Observe an individual or entity in violation of the Yellow Card, Red Card Laws for a Better World.

Step 2: Gather evidence of the infraction. Evidence can be submitted as a photo, video, audio recording, screen shot, or link.

Step 3: Email a witty quip along with your evidence to the address above.

Step 4: Check www.dontgetcarded.com to see if I've read my email.

If you submit often enough and I like the cut of your jib, I might even make you an official YC|RC referee! Or, I'll ask you why you have so much free time.

Morning Yellow | 12.02

It's December now. What's it take to get some snow around here? I dunno, but here's what it takes to get some yellow:

- Want to tear down a to-be-landmarked building? The NY Times offered these helpful hints over the weekend, reporting on legacy-challenged developers exploiting a Buildings Department loophole to "irreparably change" structures before they can be saved. Because where there's a will, there's a way to remove decorative cornices.

- Still think the GOP could do a better job of running this broke-ass popsicle stand we call America? So does Jeb Bush, who went so far in an interview with Newsmax.com as to suggest Republicans should set up a "shadow government". Riiiight...

- Seen McDonald's new ad campaign? It's the one featuring Dollar Menu darlings Chicken McNuggets and the diners who love them: NUGGNUTS! Yes, that's right, if you like Chicken McNuggets, you are now NUGGNUTS. Which at first I found really, really disturbing, but now I'm wondering if it's really any creepier than these guys:

- Does anyone actually read Wired anymore? If so, perhaps you've already perused this most excellent article by Joshua Davis. If not, you should do so forthwith. As it turns out, a young fellow named Dan Kaminsky figured out a way to literally break the internet. Yes, as in, The Internet, E-mail, www, and .com, et. al. I'm not sure who gets the card on this one, but I'm pretty sure somebody should.