Walk Softly and Carry a Big Bag of Money?

This morning I'd planned on bringing you Jolly Follies, Pt. 2, which is now two days overdue, but I just couldn't resist this historical gem:

"America, I would like to show you this awesome picture of a big horsey."

What's that, you'd like some context? The above picture is of Still-President Bush announcing this morning's $17.4 billion bailout of Detroit, and he's doing so standing beneath a painting of Teddy Roosevelt, who, if you can't tell, is about to reach into his back pocket and pull out a yellow card.

We've discussed TR before, but suffice it to say here that the man's feelings towards big business could be likened to, say, your feelings towards a three-day-old egg salad sandwich. Which makes the juxtaposition of these two men in this instance particularly ridiculous.

What were the Bush PR bumpkins thinking!? Anyone capable of drawing a historical 'parallel' between these two men would instantly get that one struck honest-to-goodness fear into the hearts of monopolistic and mismanaging men, and the other strikes fear into the heart of maybe a veggie quesadilla. One man brought the term "trust-busting" into the world, the other offered, "I'm a commander guy." One man would have walked into Detroit and left carrying an electric car under each arm, the other just gave them $17.4 billion and politely asked them to keep the change.

On the other hand, maybe Bush's folks didn't expect anyone to notice the history behind him, just the pretty horsey and how far we've come since we had to ride around on horses, and so maybe we shouldn't feel so bad about helping out the car people.

Bush Administration cautioned per Section B-7 for breaking history with a big stick.

Morning Yellow | 12.15

It's true: Santa has YC|RC on his RSS feed. So, it's safe to assume these folks just landed on the Naughty List:

- Iraqi journalist Muntathar al Zaidi (who understandably may not be concerned with reindeer and the North Pole and such) on Sunday attempted to introduce President Bush to his loafers:

The incident occurred at a press conference in Baghdad after Mr. Bush arrived aboard the Secret Ship Lollypop, which is to say no one knew His Deciderness was showing up until it happened. That might explain how a hastily-assembled press conference descended into chaos, though perhaps it's better viewed as emblematic of how American officials have underestimated Iraqis at every turn.

I'm not, however, going to pass judgment on a entire war with a yellow card, and I'm not inclined to card one man for tossing his shoes at another responsible for reducing his city to rubble. So, who gets the card?

The card goes to the security guards who, as Adam Ashton reports, as the press conference was drawing to a close, "took away two more Iraqi journalists because one of them called Zaidi's protest 'courageous.'" They were released shortly thereafter at (shock!) the urging on American officials. Security guards cautioned per Section B-6 for failure to spread democracy (the good kind).

- Oklahoma quarterback Sam Bradford won the Heisman Trophy on Saturday evening, college footaball's highest honor short of having Keith Jackson call your title game. Oddsmakers had predicted for days that Bradford would win, but sportswriters aren't the type to get muddled down in practical reality.

Take Rick Telander at the Chicago Sun-Times, who wrote that he chose Florida's Tim Tebow not just for his on-the-field performance, but because he "never swears and wears Biblically-referenced under-eye patches, [and] has an A-minus scholastic average."

Not surprisingly, God and GPA don't win you the Heisman Trophy. Telander cautioned per Section B-1 for basic math: 48 touchdowns - 28 touchdowns =20 fewer touchdowns scored by Tim Tebow than Sam Bradford.