Fred Glare

Back in December there were even more lights blazing in Fred Flare's so-cute-you'll-puke window, but this is still awfully illuminated, if you ask me. Mother Nature is crying, Fred. Maybe you could "stay cute" and conserve some resources at the same time?

Fred Flare cautioned per Sec. B-6. Yellow doesn't look so cute now, does it, Fred?

Courgars and MILFs and Pictures, Oh My! (But Don't Bother Explaining Your Point.)

I haven't been posting much lately (but Aaron has!), so let's get back up to speed:

Bonnie Fuller Huffington-Posted this, uh, let's call it an "essay" on the appeal of the finely aged female. She invokes a litany including Jennifer Aniston, Cindy Crawford, Demi Moore, et. al., and she supports her argument in favor of oldies-but-hotties with an ample and admirable collection of images. If you scroll down (and you did, to look at all the pictures), you'll even find a quiz. Extra clicking! Ms. Fuller must be right: old is the new hot!

Has your attention been grabbed? Of course it has. Now, read some more filler...

Unfortunately, Ms. Fuller never gets around to explaining or examining why today's sex symbols also happen to have been yesterday's. Are America's youth just not attractive enough? Is Photoshop the new plastic surgery? Perhaps we're living in some crazy post-feminist society where we can only objectify women who existed pre-post-feminism! (Not likely.) Are we just lazy? Bored? Or, have we been duped by Meg Ryan's PR agents? Perhaps the discussion is entirely irrelevant. (Possible.)

Only after she names a few 30-somethings (as if!) does Fuller finally pose a relevant question: "do they honestly have even the depth of deep hotness and complexity as our 40-somethings?" (Um, what in the name of Heidi Klum is "the depth of deep hotness?" Can that actually be measured?)

And with that, before any complexity or intrigue finds its way into the piece, we're off discussing another piece (Sarah Palin) and the irony is complete: a entirely superficial list somehow extolling the virtues of complex beauty.

What won't the Huffington Post talk about next!

Huffington Post and Bonnie Fuller cautioned per Sec. B-2 and 7 for piquing my interest and not my intellect.

"This is 9-1-1, what's your McEmergency?"

Blame it on the recession?

On Tuesday, a Florida woman attempted to order Chicken McNuggets at a Fort Pierce, Florida McDonalds. After handing over her money, she was told the kitchen was exactly six pieces short of her six-piece order. The cashier instead offered the stunned woman, Latreasa Goodman, 27, a McDouble and a small fry. Goodman refused. But when she was told that it is McDonalds policy to not allow refunds, she, as they say, lost her freaking honey mustard sauce and called 9-1-1.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you were not already aware, in Florida, among many other misuses of the number, it is actually a misdemenor "to use [9-1-1] in an effort to avoid any charge for service." Apparently, this happens a lot in Florida.

Latreasa Goodman cautioned per Sec. B-2 for maybe overreacting.

Talk Is Cheap. Refusing to Talk At All Can Be Costly.

Last fall, a man named John McCain canceled an interview with David Letterman. Life on the campaign trail was simply too demanding, he said, and his visit to the Ed Sullivan Theater would just have to wait. A few hours later, McCain was spotted on CBS's own internal camera network prepping for an interview with Katie Couric. It was a mistake McCain came to regret.

For weeks, Letterman laid into the presidential candidate. By the time McCain appeared on the Late Show, the damage had been done.

Did he know that Letterman and Couric both work at the same network?

A week or so ago, a man named Rick Santelli reported for CNBC from the floor of the Chicago Stock Exchange. He decried President Obama's bailout, not for the money it poured into failed banks, but for the handful of actual homeowners who would be helped with their mortgages. Santelli refered to these homeowners as 'losers' and stirred something in the conservative base that hasn't moved since Sarah Palin walked onto a stage in Dayton, Ohio: a populist pulse.

Of course, we all know how Sarah Palin worked out. That pulse quickened, then flatlined as soon as reality set in. Sure enough, Rick Santelli, too, was riding high for a few weeks, and even agreed to show up last night on The Daily Show. Only, in the meantime, the fever pitch broke and the populist revolt was over before it started. Without his masses all hot and bothered, Rick went maverick and canceled on Jon Stewart. Suffice it to say that it was a bad idea, for both Santelli and CNBC:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

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Rick Santelli cautioned per Sec. B-6 for only stirring the pot in his own kitchen.