Sending Sensitive Information Over Email

2. Sending Sensitive Information Over Email

Email might seem like it's private, but it's really not. Encrypt your documents(such as sensitive tax-related files) if you have to transfer them digitally or look into other ways to share sensitive information, such as passwords. Remember, anything that can be seen can be copied, so when in doubt, keep this stuff in the meat world and not the digital one (like your email inbox or outbox).

Dear Guillermo: If you need help with that fine, I'd be happy to help out.

Major League Soccer has suspended and fined Guillermo Barros Schelotto for an elbow throw at Michael Umana of Chivas USA in a game last weekend. They claim it would have been not only a bookable offense but a red card, at that.

Given that assessment, the suspension seems merited--get a red card, miss a game. Fine.

But the fine... not fine: $250.

In the MLS, where the league owns players' contracts, it's understood (if not disclosed) that every salary is not a blockbuster. But Schelotto was compensated to the tune of $1 million in 2007 and, at the very least, cost his team, the Columbus Crew, around $150,000 against their salary cap last season.

So, I'll rephrase the question:

$250?!?

I pay that in parking tickets every other month, and I've certainly never won an MLS scoring title or championship, let alone attained legendary status for anything in Argentina.

If you want Americans to take soccer seriously in America, maybe the MLS needs to start taking soccer seriously itself.

U.S. Gov: Always Have a Backup Plan for Your Backup Plan

We get it, Secretary LaHood. You're big on safety.

Of course, you also want to make sure the American automakers pay back all that bailout money, so you're willing to help them bury Toyota under a pile of litigation so high no amount of unintended acceleration could plow out from underneath it. (It's what the free market wants.)

But let's get back to that safety thing--you're so freaking gangbusters for safety that you now want to legislate a "brake override system" into every car on the road:

“We’re looking at it. We think it is a good safety device and we’re trying to figure out if we should be recommending it," LaHood told the Senate.

The question isn't if you should be recommending brake override systems. Of course you should be recommending them. You should also be suggesting them, alluding to them, hinting at them, maybe even leaving little notes in the pockets of Detroit CEOs with hearts drawn on pictures of them.

However, I have two problems with suggesting legislation here:

1. Toyota--and other car companies--should already want to put these devices into their cars. On their own. (Indeed, many cars already come with them.) It shouldn't even be a cost consideration. It should be a performance consideration. "Is my car accidentally killing its drivers? No, but it could. Let's make sure that it doesn't."

2. I'm not sure the government needs to insist on a Plan B here. I think its Plan A was pretty solid: Don't make cars that kill our drivers. I don't think Plan B really adds that much: Don't make cars that kill our drivers. Seriously.

"Um.. why the hell am I here?"

The government should stick to Plan A's, and we all--individuals and companies alike--need to work towards Plan A. If I may take the slippery slope for a second, if the government starts getting bogged down in backup plans, then where does it stop? Backup plans to the backup plans? Plan C's for the Plan B's? Plan D's for the Plan C's? And then who's watching the Watchmen, people?!

Ray LaHood cautioned per Sec. B, Art. 1-1 for questionable actions. I was going to card him for time wasting, but let's be honest--the Senate isn't getting much else done these days.

Floating Words of Pain

Dear OrthopedicSpecialistsofNewYork.com,

Your website has been infected by hundreds or perhaps thousands of invisible, floating words of pain. Specifically, maladies like "hypermobility syndrome" and "back pain," which are just a few of the search terms that might bring you to the webpage, only... those words don't appear listed anywhere on your page. Or, do they?

YCRC in no way wishes to convey that Dr. Greisberg, Dr. Gundel, and Dr. Gupta in any way condone or are responsible for this half-baked meta-tagging scheme.

Oh, the words are listed. They're just hidden. All searchable, typed in a font color the same color as the page. So, even if you don't see listed the specific injury you're suffering you might just pick one of the specialists at OrthopedicSpecialistsofNewYork.com to treat it.

By the way, OrthopedicSpecialistsofNewYork.com, there are better ways to index search terms. You might want to look into one. Or perhaps just ask you doctors to list more of their own specialties, instead of hiding the words "automobile accident" somewhere on the page.

Sincerely,

YCRC

OrthopedicSpecialistsofNewYork.com cautioned for a questionable programming tactic.

Ducks in Danger

Our feathered friends haven't been this imperiled since the Beagle Boys hounded Huey, Dewey, and Louie for the Golden Goose. And this time, the villain is your own backyard: storm drains.

Just this week, Officer Eileen Emiddio of a yet-unnamed locale saved a dozen storm drain-downed fuzzballs after being summoned to the scene by the quacking mother. (Curiously, only 11 saved ducklings are pictured.)

Three days earlier, Ogden, Utah firefighters, after extinguishing a burning van, responded to a frantic mother duck nearby and plucked her 11 ducklings from a storm drain. But their jobs weren't done! One just-saved duckling "tumbled down the hill into another storm drain." Unable to reach it, the firefighters "built a little ramp out of the storm drain and the baby duck ambled out on its own." Adorable heroics!

But even more incredible is the story of a Seattle banker, who, in May, two-handedly saved ducking after ducking from a ten-foot dive, collected the last three from a ledge, then led the reunited family down a parade route (no joke) to water:

(The ducks are cute, but I particularly enjoy the embrace at the end between our story's hero and the woman who has clearly fallen in love with him. Soon to be a Lifetime movie, no doubt.)

Not to be outdone, on the same day firefighters pulled four duckings from a storm drain in D.C.

That's an astonishing 39 ducklings pulled from storm drains (and one twice!) in the past two months. And those are just the ones that made the news. Too often, cute ducklings rescued by our public servicemen and women just don't make the news. Actually, that's not true. They always make the news.

Still, in a world that still cuts six-pack plastic rings, I think the least we can do is develop storm drains that don't swallow up baby ducks.

Good to Know

I Can't Decide...

Pictured above is a supporter of Mir Hussein Moussavi, the Iranian presidential candidate who was "defeated" on Friday by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Mr. Moussavi's supporters, as the image suggests, disagree with the election results. They do agree, however, that when fomenting revolt against extremist Islamic regimes GAP t-shirts are the most comfortable for throwing rocks and burning flags.

I understand that green is the color Mr. Moussavi's supporters have been waving about for the last few months, but if this kid really cared about the world he would be wearing a (red) t-shirt. So, for today at least: green - (red) = yellow.

Angry guy in GAP t-shirt throwing stones in Tehran is cautioned less for his upper-middle class attire, more so for stomping around Tehran throwing stones. Fight the good fight, my friend, but please do be careful when inciting riots.

Shia La Bouaaaa?!

This yellow card is issued with full knowledge that, upon demand, it may be upgraded to red. Seriously, Shia, this is some questionable speaking you've done...

Fox News is reporting that Transformers star Shia La Beouf offered up to Playboy: "the sexiest woman I know is my mother."

Let's be clear about this. The women in Shia's life include Transformer co-star Megan Fox, both images at left, and model Isabel Lucas, at right. Okay. We can move on.

Really, Shia? You mean, like, your mom is such a wonderful woman and the essence of motherhood is really the most beautiful thing you can imagine?

"If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother."

Okay. That doesn't really answer my question. We could still go either way on this. Can you say something that falls decidedly in the Not Weird column?

"I grew up with a bunch of hippies... That was strange for me, and it was really bizarre when my friends were there. You've got your little buds over, and Mom's, like, playing naked connect the dots or whatever."

Um. Okay. I think we're done here.

Shia La Beouf cautioned per section B-1 for sharing way more than meets the eye.

Egg + Croissant = Confusion

As if being stuck overnight in the Miami airport wasn't bad enough, the next morning I came across this place. The breakfast line offered your basic breakfast options, including croissants, fried eggs, and pre-assembled sandwiches offering some combination of the previous two items plus meat.

Me: Can I get just an egg sandwich?

Woman looks at pre-assembled sandwiches and says: No.

I ask again: Can I get that plain croissant and that fried egg as a sandwich.

Woman actually picks up a croissant and looks at eggs, then me: No.

I'm sure at this point my eyes were bulging: I'm sorry, I can't have that egg put on that croissant?

Woman just stares.

At this point, I'm fairly certain I swore, probably under my breath, not directly at the woman, and walked over to a nearby Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs, where the staff was more than willing to assemble an egg and cheese sandwich for me. I'm still uncertain as to whether the woman was a) institutionally numb or b) genuinely stupid. If it's the latter, I'm unconcerned. If it's the former, then it's a yellow card.

Cheetz!

If your gas station is more than two miles from the Wilkes-Barre exit you posted you sign next to, then maybe you shouldn't tell me your gas station exists off that exit. It doesn't. It's two miles away. That's wasting my time, and that's yellow for you.